As England goes back into lockdown and more people are losing their jobs or are feeling worried about their future security, I wanted to address some common reactions that people have to setbacks and some alternative reactions you could replace them with.
Recently, I was reading Robin Sharma “The World-Changer’s Manifesto” and in one of the chapters he describes how his faith was bigger than his fear when he was starting out. When he was launching “The Monk who sold his Ferrari” he was rejected so many times, told that his work was rubbish but he had self conviction and kept on moving forward despite the consistent rejection. In fact, he left his books around in public places for people to pick them up, he stood with a board around his neck highlighting what he was selling and went on to publish the book himself. When he did his first workshop he said that he had approximately 23 people in the audience, of which 99% were his family members, yet he kept on going.
It has clearly paid off for him as he one of the most respected thought leaders on the subject of positivity, attitude, motivation and self leadership with many published books. He coaches and mentors some of the world's most significant change makers on performance.
His mental attitude and self talk was positive. It led me to thinking about what I hear people saying in the face of challenging times.
There are two types of people: those who say “okay, that's fine, we’re just going to crack on and we'll get on with it and come what may, we'll move on, it is what it is.” And then you get those who don't quite bounce back that quickly and they get stuck in the rollercoaster that challenging times can bring. It could be that you're a bit of both, depending on the situation and what else has been going on in your life.
Do you resonate with any of the below statements when you feel when things are going wrong?
- “Oh, no, I'm stuck now”
- “That's it I'm finished, done”
- “Why does this always happen to me?”
- “That's just my luck”
- “Oh typical, yep”
- “Now what, now what?”
- “The whole things just gone down the pan”
- “I might have guessed this was going to happen”
- “Wonderful, here we go again”
- “I just can't take any more of this”.
What if though you were to practice an offset to those statements instead? It could help to rewire the way your brain reacts to stress in the future. We're not looking for the opposite of what we would normally say but rather an alternative way of looking at the situation. Here are a few ideas:
1. “Oh, that's really interesting”
2. “It's okay, it's only going to be temporary. It's a temporary problem”
3. “No problem, I'm going to deal with this, it’s fine”.
4. “I will find a way around it”
5. “What can I gain from this that's going, that would serve me”
6. “My brain will come up with an answer”
7. “I'll find the answer tomorrow, don’t worry about it”
8. “If there's an answer I'm going to find it and if there's no way around it, I'm just going to start again”.
9. “I'll find another way of doing this”
10. "Everything will work out, I'll find a way."
What statement could resonate with you?
This is just a small tactic, when practiced regularly, will start to help you build your inner resources for resilience.