I'm So Tired Of Being Lonely & Unhappy

"I'm so tired of being so unhappy and so lonely" she said to me during her first session.
 
She had been in her marriage for over a decade and had been so unhappy for 50% of that time. Yet, she had every reason why she couldn't leave:
 
🔸️ loyalty
 
🔸️"I made a commitment"
 
🔸️He's really a nice person and I'm so fortunate to have someone even if we don't have intimacy or do fun things together anymore"
 
🔸️"I'm too old to start again"
 
🔸️" Better the devil you know."
 
🔸️"I just need friends or a hobby that will fix it."
 
🔸️"I'm staying for the kids"
 
🔸️"I love him even though I don't like him at times. I still love him"
 
Normally followed by something like: "I just wish that he'd...."
 
Do you recognise yourself or your thoughts/words there?
 
Feel free to substitute she for he and he for she, because to be clear, this isn't a gender issue, it's an expectation, boundary and communication issue. Underpinned by a lack of self worth.
 
It's so much easier to look at the other person in the relationship as being less than, not doing what we think we want, comparing them to societal expectations and other people's relationships rather than to look inside ourselves.
 
Our world is a reflection of what we allow.
 
You are responsible for your happiness, not your partner. You are individual people. If you are unhappy, it's a sign that you need to take action- on yourself and what happiness even means to you.

Therapy is very effective at helping you untangle your thoughts and assemble them in a way that leads to a happier outcome for you.